Writer's Workshop: I Don't Like Vampires

Writer's Workshop Thursday! YAY!

Today I chose the prompt A Lecture You Still Remember.

When you're a teenager, you have boyfriends. Sometimes, they give you marks. On your neck. In plain view where Shaq Loving Grandma can see them. And this is how the most embarrassing lecture EVER was born.

One day, as I was getting ready to leave my house for school, Shaq Loving Grandma noticed a fresh "mark" on me. It was like the scene in Coneheads where Dan Akroyd see's the tattoo on teenage Conehead and was all "Ehhhh....WTF?!" Except Shaq Loving Grandma isn't the kind to hold back an F-Bomb. She then proceeded to grill me on the nature of this "damn thing on your neck!"

After a good 10 minutes of 20 questions, I ran out of the house, grateful for the safety of school and not having to listen to Shaq Loving Grandma. When I got home, she was asleep in her chair. I quietly walked past her, grabbed the cordless phone from it's cradle and made a beeline down the hall and into my room, where I locked myself in. I dialed a friend and started talking about how crazy Shaq Loving Grandma had been that morning. Little did I know, it was about to get worse.

You see, while I was on the phone, the giver of the mark showed up to take me out. Shaq Loving Grandma didn't think I was home, so she invited giver of the mark to take a seat, and then proceeded to lecture him on the "dangers" of leaving such marks on someone. I guess about 15 minutes into this talk, I got thirsty, so I headed out, phone still glued to ear, to get some water from the fridge. I walked down the hall only to be met by the eyes of giver of the mark and Shaq Loving Grandma. I looked to him, to her and back. I said into the phone, "Uh, I gotta go." I hung up. I walked casually to the fridge, grabbed a glass. Poured myself some water. Went and stood next to Shaq Loving Grandma's chair. Just as I took a sip of water she said to giver of the mark, "Listen, I don't like vampires. They are dangerous. Leave my granddaughter's neck alone, OK Dracula?"

I choked on my water. Giver of the mark looked like he wanted to laugh, but he didn't want to piss off Shaq Loving Grandma. Shaq Loving Grandma told us kids to go have a good time. We got the heck outta there.

So, there is a lesson in this. Nothing gets by Shaq Loving Grandma.....NOTHING.....