Controlled Crying: Days 1 and 2

I couldn't take it anymore. The No Cry Sleep Solution did not work for us. I just couldn't keep revising and trying and revising and calming and revising...We needed sleep.

For Christmas, Grayson received a seahorse that plays ocean noise and soft lullabies as well as a Fisher Price Precious Planets crib soother. I set them up yesterday afternoon in his crib. In my mind, I set the start date for Monday. I congratulated myself on taking the step to set everything up and marking my date in my mind. Go me...

Fast forward to last night. Bedtime. At 8PM, Grayson and I head to bed for our regular nurse session. He falls asleep, but immediately wakes up and begins to cry when I try and get him settled. I know he is tired. I can see it on his face. I stand. I bounce. I shush. I look at his face. Then, I just made the decision, right then, right there, to do it. We both need it. I kiss his face. I calm him. Then I lay him down, turn on his music, and leave the room.

I am not going to lie, it was hell to sit in the living room and listen to him cry. Every bone in my body wanted to get up and run to him. I wanted to nurse him to sleep and I wanted everything to fine, but I knew he was full, he was dry and he was warm. He had his blanket that smells like me that he loves. So I sat. Ten minutes later, he was still crying and my gut was clenching and I was filled with guilt. Was this really right? Should I go get him? Will my presence make him cry harder? David got up and went to calm him. Ten minutes later, Grayson was fast asleep. After 20 minutes, he was out like a light. He slept peacefully with barely a peep until 8AM this morning.

Tonight, I changed him, put his jammies on and sat with him in a chair in the living room rocking him quietly while David and I watched a show on television with some dim light at a quiet volume. After about 15-20 minutes of nursing, I could tell he was quite sleepy. We got up and I put him in his crib, turned on his music and rubbed his belly. He whimpered a little, but I quietly closed the door. Not even 3 minutes later, his whimpering had stopped and he was fast asleep.

Right now, this is working. Right now, this is what I need to be doing. This morning, after a full nights sleep in his own bed, he seemed so much happier. He took a great nap for the first time since, well, birth. I took a nap with him because, let's face it, I need to catch up on my sleep too. And, David is on Vacation from work, so I might as well take advantage of his being home.

So, here's to hoping that this continues, because I love it so far.

And Then It Was Christmas

Three days ago, my house was under attack. Brightly colored paper, plastic and boxes invaded while three kids laughed and squealed. Ahhhh....Christmas.

On Christmas Eve, we headed over to my SIL's house to spend the evening with them before they headed to her in-law's house on Christmas. We had dinner, we shared laughs and then we opened gifts.

As is the case every year, Ethan ripped into his presents quickly, only hesitating to let someone else take a turn.

As was not the case last year, because he was only two months old, Grayson was interested in a gift. I opened the rest while he chased the dogs.

And Claire? Well, she could care less about opening anything. She played with Makayla's kitchen.

We all received wonderful things. I, myself, got a ceramic baking stone (which I've been wanting for some time now) and a beautiful iron picture frame that I can't wait to hang and add pictures to.

We headed home after a long night and got the kids jammied up and into bed. Then we got ready to put things under the tree.

Our poor tree....

It survived almost daily attacks from two toddler. It was stripped of almost all ornaments and the lights were tugged so much that they were barely hanging on. The star? I don't even know how it got bent over like that. Poor, poor tree.

We popped all the presents under the tree.

Then we headed to bed ourselves to await our early morning wake up call, which came in the form of Ethan bursting into our room and screaming, "Mom! Dad! Wake up! IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!"

We dragged ourselves out of bed. We changed diapers. We made sure cameras were charged. Then we let the tearing begin. Ethan loved opening his gifts.

Grayson cared more about tugging on his stocking and playing with David's X-Box 360 controller.

Claire? She did not want anything to do with presents. She spent a good 20 minutes staring at the tree.

And then she tried to make a break for the computer to play PBS Kid's, so we hurried and opened her gift from Grandma Meredith and popped in some Wow Wow Wubbzy while we finished gifts.

After about an hour, my living room looked like this.

Ethan decided to try and clean up the mess. I decided to try and let him while I made breakfast. Iron Man and Bumblebee stopped by.

They ate, but they did not help clean up. How rude!

All in all, it was a wonderful Christmas. We all had fun, and we all received wonderful gifts.

I hope your holiday was just as great!

Twas The Night I Was Supposed To Be Baking

Tomorrow is Ethan's last day of school before Christmas break. It's also the day of his class party, which means he comes home hopped up on candy with frosting stuck to his face, and if it's anything like his Halloween party, a cupcake smashed into his papers in his backpack. Yeah, that happened. Visualize it. Now visualize cleaning it.

Tonight was the night I was supposed the be baking cupcakes for 14 sugar crazed 3rd graders and one teacher who I feel very sorry for. Unfortunately, we were hit by a bout of stomach flu thanks to the leader of the pack (cough*daddy*cough) and let's just say, steak doesn't taste great in reverse, and I've cleaned more vomit out of my carpet in the past week than I care to clean up, well, ever. My bout with the flu was yesterday. I was feeling well enough today to go see Ethan's Christmas program and head out to pick up David's remaining gifts (way to steal my money Best Buy) and buy some groceries.

I bought everything I needed to make cupcakes. I got the kids into bed. I got started making the cupcakes until...CRAP...I forgot the oil. Yup. It is now 12:42AM, and I am writing this because I forgot oil. It's pretty much a key component to great cupcake making according to Betty Crocker, and I think she knows her stuff. Her name is written on lots of it. So guess what I get to do? Tomorrow morning, I get to drive Ethan to the store in town and have him pick out what he wants to take for his party at 7:45AM, and then I get to drive him to school. Did I mention I live in a town of just over 1,000 people? Did I also mention that this is the only grocery store for about 20 miles in any direction? No. Do you know what any of this means? If you guessed they are going to take a big chunk of my money because they can and because they can charge whatever they want because they are the only store for 20 miles, you are correct.

Honestly, I don't know why I do this to myself. Last year I was up until 3AM making cupcakes for his class party. Maybe it's just Christmas. Somehow I always sign up for or get assigned Christmas treats. Maybe Valentine's day would be better. Or, maybe Halloween. When I make Grayson's birthday cake, I can make Ethan's class treats. How long do they do class parties anyways? Isn't he getting to the age where it's lame to bring mom made sweets? He's 8, so I have hope, right?

And now, I need sleep before I go cry over the loss of $20.

Writer's Workshop: It All Ended With A Twizzler To The Throat

Another fabulous Thursday, which means another Writer's Workshop. By now, you should know what to do.

Today I chose the prompt, A Fist Fight.

I have a younger brother named Justin. He is now 25. We're going to travel back in time to when I am 16 and he is 14. I am spending a few weeks at my grandparents house, which is usually what I do in the summer. Justing lives with my grandparents. My cousin, Danielle, is with me. We were pretty much joined at the hip when I was with my grandparents.

My brother had a HUGE bedroom. Since I was only there for short visits, I had a tiny room. My brother had a TV and a stereo and a DVD player and was just a short walk through the living room and into the kitchen, so my cousin and I used to camp out in his room and use his stuff.

One night after a trip to blockbuster, we arrived ready to stake our claim on his territory, armed with popcorn, Twizzler's and other junk crap and a few movies ready for the watching. Justin looked through our movies, making stupid comments. Danielle headed into the kitchen to use the microwave and make our popcorn so we could begin our junk fest. Justin kept making stupid comments about our movie choices. This is when I made the decision to kick him in the shin. He kicked me in the shin. I kicked him the the shin. He kicked me in the shin. I punched him in the thigh. He punched me in the shoulder. We were wrestling around on the floor when my cousin came in. She stepped over us and picked a movie, because this kind of thing was not abnormal. We were always punching or kicking each other in some way. What happened next was abnormal.

I picked up the bag of Twizzlers and hit him over the head with them, causing the seam to rip and Twizzlers to spill out onto the blanket that Danielle and I had set up for our junk fest. I opened my mouth to shout a victorious "HAHA!" because the Twizzler spill should signify my win. I guess Justin didn't get the memo, because he grabbed a Twizzler and stabbed me in the throat with it. And I'm not talking the neck. He actually managed to get it into my mouth and stab me in the back of the throat with the Twizzler. I gagged. We all stopped, Danielle mid popcorn to mouth. I tasted a little blood. Then I slapped Justin in the face, called him an a-hole and all was normal again.

We watched movies and ate junk like nothing ever happened. Good times.

Now I'm Going To Give You Stuff::Paperspring StickyStock Calendar Giveaway

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So, what do you have to do to win?

Mandatory Entry: You must be a public follower of my blog and leave a comment letting me know you are.

Extras (Please leave a separate comment for each!):

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Please make sure you're e-mail is visible in your profile. If it is not, please leave it in your comments. If I can't contact you, you can't win!

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Coming To You Live From A Space Heated Bedroom

Did you catch the news this morning? There was a major storm in my neck of the woods. A snowstorm to be exact. And man, did this thing make its presence known. We got almost 2 feet of snow. Want to see some photos?

8:30AM. The fog in the photo is actually snow falling.

12:30PM. Still snowing.

2:30PM. Still snowing, and this is when it really started to pick up with wind blowing the mess everywhere.

At around 4:30PM, I noticed the house was getting a little chilly. I walked over to the thermostat to turn it up a bit for a little while. I moved the dial. Nothing. I moved it back. Nothing. I turned it off, and it clicked off. I turned it on. Nothing. Crap. That only means on thing. The pilot light went out. That means I get to try and light it. Double crap.

At 6PM, David called me after work, and I asked him how to light the pilot. He told me, and I got to work. Now my hands are super tiny. Like, really, I have freakishly small hands and feet for a 27 year old woman. A couple of years ago when I attended my cousin's Bat Mitzvah in Arizona, I forgot my dress shoes. I borrowed a pair from my then 11 year old cousin. They fit perfectly.

Anyways, the fireplace matches we have on hand were not going to do it with my small hands, so I spent my evening doing this

So I could make mega match.

Then I started trying to light the pilot. The sign telling me that it wanted to burn my face off made it that much more fun.

I think the bubbles under it are a glimpse into a burned face future. I took the warning seriously.

I got bored (see also, frustrated) when several of my attempts failed and took my last picture of the snowfall that night. It was worse than the 2:3o picture.

After 2 1/2 hours of trying to light the pilot, I gave up. It never did light. David got home from work and called his BIL who told him that we probably had too much snow on our roof covering our chimney and that the wind was blowing so much that it would just keep going out whenever we lit it. Perfect. It was supposed to be -4 last night. So, we all snuggled up in our bed with the one space heater we own. Us, two kids (Ethan is with his aunt for the weekend) and a dog. We slept rather uncomfortably thanks to Grayson rolling all over the bed.

This morning, David attempted to shovel us out. He started by the stairs so our dog could have a place to do his business.

And then he slowly shoveled a path to our cars.

We have a good 2 1/2 to 3 feet of snow in our yard and in our driveway. David is slowly trying to shovel our driveway clear, with hot chocolate breaks every now and then. His BIL came over and helped us clear the snow off the roof so we won't freeze tonight. The heater is trying to warm the place up as I type. I, however, am still seeking refuge in the warm bedroom with my sidekick, Grayson. Two homies just chillin'.

No Cry Sleep Solution Days...Wait, Am I Still Keeping Track?

The No Cry Sleep Solution and I officially broke up. I'm sorry Elizabeth Pantley, but your method was not for us. I'm tired. In the book, it says, "If after 10 days, you see no results, take a break, go over your plan and start again." Ummm....NO! I don't have days upon days upon days to keep this up. My body is tired. My head is tired. I AM JUST PLAIN TIRED!!!

Now, we would have started out adventure is controlled crying this week, but Claire was nice enough to share her cold with Grayson, so until his stuffy nose is clear and his cough is gone, we're back to nursing to sleep. However, this gives me extra time to sleep with one of his favorite blankies to make it smell like me, and to try and find that Rainforest Crib Soother from Fisher Price that I want so bad. Then, the adventure begins, and I'm hoping beyond all hope that it works because I think my brain my actually implode soon.

You're probably thinking, "Chantel, can it really be that bad?" Yes, it can. Grayson cries ALL DAY LONG. ALL DAY!!! No, that is not an exaggeration. It is 100% factual. He stops crying when David plays Halo, and it's usually only a 45 minute break. On weekends when David is working, it doesn't stop. Last weekend, it was so bad, that I started to cry. Then, I just had to put him down and walk away. I didn't know what else to do to comfort him. He ended up crying himself to sleep on the living room floor. And then I cried even harder because I didn't know how to comfort my baby and he fell asleep on the living room floor, crying.

I also can't get any housework done because he is so clingy. I can put him in a hip carry in my sling, but I've found it to be quite difficult to bend and pick things up off the floor with him in it. By the time he is in bed for the night, and I am just too damn tired to care that the toy box threw up on my living room floor and that the dishes need to be done. I need an hour to unwind with some time for me (which is how this post was born) and then I get to go to bed before the wake up, lay down cycle starts.

We both need sleep. And mine starts now. Good night.

No Cry Sleep Solution Days 2-5 = MISERABLE FAIL

We started the No Cry Sleep Solution 5 days ago. The routine has pretty much been the same, except Grayson only gets a bath every other day. My kids have super sensitive skin, and a bath everyday is just too much for their skin to handle. On the days he doesn't get a bath, we do a massage and quiet playtime in the dimly lit room. What's quiet playtime? Maybe a song of Itsy Bitsy Spider or something else that is quiet with small hand gestures. Not too exciting.

On day two, we did the massage routine. Then it was time for him to eat. I offered him the breast, and braced myself for teeth. To my surprise, there were no teeth. He did not bite me. Maybe he was less resistant to change. He quietly nursed. He fell asleep. I held him close and rocked for a few minutes, and then I stood and swayed and shushed and swayed and shushed (did I mention I swayed?) my way to the crib. I quietly lowered him. His whole body relaxed into the mattress. My brain screamed, "OMG!!!! He's asleep in the cr...." WAAAAHHH!!! I picked him up and tried swaying and shushing some more. It didn't work. He ended up nursing to sleep. Days 3-5 are much of the same, only without the staying asleep in the crib and with a bath or two thrown into the mix.

I'm supposed to do this for 5 more days and record my progress. If it hasn't worked by day 10, I need to revise my plan and try it for 10 more days. To be honest, I'm pretty much burnt out on the No Cry Sleep Solution already. There is cry in this solution, and I am definitely not getting more sleep. In fact, I am pretty damn exhausted still, and I feel like I'm getting less sleep. He's waking up more at night, and I'm so tired walking from one end of the house to the other to feed him when he cries over the monitor that some nights, I haven't even made it back to my bed to sleep. I end up falling asleep sitting up in the arm chair or on the couch. I see no light at the end of this tunnel.

So, I've made a decision. If in 5 days this thing is not working, we are going to try the Ferber method. I've requested the book 'Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems' from the library. I'm going to use the money my grandmother sends for his Christmas present to buy him the Rainforest Crib Soother so he has some calm sounds and a night light, and a toy he can turn on and off on his own in the crib.

Am I excited to try the controlled cry? No. Then again, I've never had to do it before. Ethan and Claire were both easy sleepers. There was a period that we lived with my MIL for awhile, and he liked to fall asleep watching Animal Planet with her or watching Winnie the Pooh with me. I was fine with it. When he fell asleep, I tucked him into his bed, and he'd be there for the rest of the night. He did go through a period though where he would wake up at 2 or 3 in the morning and climb back into bed with grandma. Claire however, always loved sleeping in her own bed. She doesn't like being in bed with other people. She prefers her own space to roll around and sleep. All I've ever had to do with her was make sure she had some music, some water and that she was covered up, and she'd go to sleep quietly on her own.

So, here I am, getting ready to do it for the first time. I think I'm ready though. I'm tired, and something has to give. I think if he's full and drowsy and I lay him down awake, things will be fine. It might take awhile, but I'm sure they'll be fine.

Right?

Writer's Workshop: It's Like Back To the Future, Only Not Really

It's Writer's Workshop time. Head on over to MamaKat's and link 'em up! Try it, you'll like it!

Today I chose the prompt If you could relive any moment in your life, what moment would you choose? Write about it. Here goes!

I think I'd like to relive my 18th birthday. It was pretty much the worst birthday I've ever had. Why? Well, here's the story.

On my 18th birthday, my boyfriend at the time came to pick me up in his very old, very beat up truck. He was taking me to see my friend, Kelly, whom I hadn't seen in quite some time and wanted to give me a gift. Her car was in the shop, so she couldn't make it to me to deliver it. The boyfriend kindly offered to give me a ride to her. You'd think I would have known this was a bad idea because A) I'd ridden in this truck many times over the course of our 2 year relationship and B) This truck had a reputation for being temperamental. However, I put on my dress, packed my jeans and t-shirt for our plans later that evening in a bag and we headed out the door.

About 10 miles from my home, the truck started to chug. It started to smell a little like burning and we ended up pulling into a field next to an abandoned building to take a look. He crawled under the truck, let out an expletive or 5 and crawled back out. "The fuel lines clogged," he said as he wiped hibs hands on his jeans. He called his cousin. No biggie. We'll be out of here soon. Fast forward THREE HOURS. There we are, the hot Arizona sun making it's way down. His cousin pulls in. Another hour later, I am in tears and on the verge of total mental breakdown when the truck finally roars to life, better than before, and we hop in to head to Kelly's. We get there, we say our hello's, we giggle as girl's do and then boyfriend and I head out the door to our next location, to meet up with some friends for a bonfire.

We stop at a gas station on the way. As he's filling up, I change into my jeans and t-shirt in bathroom. We climb back in, and head to our destination. We've got a truck bed full of pallets ripe for the burning. We to where we are going. We hop out. He, his cousin and a few other friends start pulling pallets down while his sister and I joke around and talk. They get a fire going. The friends say, "Hey, we got some beer and some wine coolers, do you all want some?" My friend grabs one. She opens it and takes a sip and hands it to me. I take a small swallow, and hand it back. As soon as my fingers leave the bottle, the cops show up. They decide to give me, my friend and my boyfriend breathalyzer tests. Of course, since I just swallowed my mouthful, I blow pretty high. I get a ticket for minor consumption. This is not my finest hour.

Boyfriend takes me home. Sigh.

Would I change something if I relived it? Now that I look back on it, being stuck in that field for 4 hours wasn't that bad. It was kind of funny. It was a beautiful March day. It was warm and the sunset was just amazing. Sure it wasn't a birthday dream come true, but it was OK I guess. Would I change our car? No. The truck was OK. Even if it was temperamental sometimes.

Secondly, I would not have tried my friend's drink. I had to pay $120 for that little ditty and it was not cool. That money deserved a special place in my pocket and then in the cash register of whatever store I visited.

No Cry Sleep Solution Day 1= FAIL!

Last night was the night. It was the night we started the No Cry Sleep Solution. It did not go quite as planned. Why? Claire woke up with a fever and the barking cough that can only mean one thing, croup. However, it was pretty awful because at about 7:30-7:45 she coughed, and a huge ball of mucus got stuck in her throat. She gagged and ended up throwing up a bunch of mucus and saliva. So, to the doctor we went. She wasn't very happy about it. The doctor had to hold her across my lap and her own lap to look in her throat. When Claire sat up, her shoe got stuck and came off in the doctor's pocket, without the doctor of myself realizing. Five minutes later the doctor came back and fished it out of her pocket and handed it to me, saying it was the funniest thing that had ever happened to her. We got a prescription for two steroid pills to crush up into some pudding to help her lungs and bring the swelling down in her throat.

We headed to the pharmacy. Now, this pharmacy is really, really old and there is an ice cream shop attached to it. Claire wanted to sit in the ice cream shop while we waited for her medication. We sat. A woman who worked in the pharmacy came in, looked at Claire and said, "You look like you could use a cookie precious" and bought her a chocolate chip cookie. It was so kind, and I thanked her profusely. Claire piped up and said thank you as the woman was walking out of the store with her coffee. These random acts of kindness are what make me love living in a small town. Claire did deserve a special treat after her very rough morning.

After we got home, and she had her medication, she was feeling much better. Our day progressed normally. Then bedtime came. She went to bed quietly with a humidifier running. Then it was time for Grayson to get started on his routine.

We quietly put on pajamas. We sang a few songs. I turned on some soft music and some soft light. Then I got comfortable so I could nurse him, only this time we weren't lying down so he could nurse to sleep. We sat up so I could rock with him. I rocked him, rubbing his back for a bit. He looked around and seemed to be confused. After 5 minutes of rocking, I offered him the breast. That's when he bit me. Apparently, Grayson is not a fan of change. After biting me two more times, he finally settled into nursing, and his eyes slowly closed and he drifted off to sleep. I did the gently pull off. I pulled him off and quickly popped my finger under his chin. He stayed asleep. I quietly got up, patting his tush and swaying and lightly set him down in the crib. he immediately woke up as soon as he touched the mattress and started to cry. We tried again, and the same thing happened. I decided better to put him to sleep than to keep doing this until he got his second wind and was up even later. I nursed him to sleep.

Tonight we begin Day 2.