Writer's Workshop: If Hubby Were Handy....

Time for Writer's Workshop! Head on over to Mama Kat's, pick your prompt and write it up. Head back over and link up and do a little blog hoppin'. It's always a good time! Promise.

Today I chose the prompt The ultimate honey-do list. If your spouse agreed to do any ten things you asked, what would they be?....Here goes.

Now, David likes to fancy himself a handy man, but the man is in no way handy whatsoever. Not even joking. He once tried to fix something in my car. I don't remember what it was he tried to fix. I do remember the evening I found out something was wrong with it, I was headed to work at 11PM. It started to downpour (monsoon season in Arizona!). I needed the wipers and my high beams. I went to turn on the wipers, and my horn honked. No joke. I don't know how he did it. He doesn't either. I had to turn around and go home and call into work because I couldn't get my lights or my wipers to work the right way. He fixed it the next day. I bet he doesn't know how he did that either. So, these things here are all complete fantasy, because they will, in fact, never happen..Unless we beg David's BIL for help. Then they might! Except for the first one.

1) David learns to sew. He sews well. He then teaches me to sew (I sew in a straight line, I'm practicing other things...It's a process!), and when I am too tired, he takes over and finishes my tasks. He gets to darn good at sewing, he sews dresses for Claire out of all the shirts he wore in high school and refuses to get rid of, thus eliminating my wanting to throw all of his old crap into the yard, light it on fire and dance around it.

2) David then takes down these blinds, which someone installed wrong. We are unable to open them and gain access to the windows behind. He then sews a curtains with his newly acquired mad sewing skills and hangs them. They look fabulous. We high five.

3) He actually replaces the towel bar in the kid's bathroom completely instead of trying to hang and rehang the old one on whatever the hell this crap is sticking out of the wall. I can throw away or freecycle or craigslist the over the door towel rack that I for their bathroom and now hate. The only thing it's good for is hanging up the bathing suites.

4) On the subject of window treatments, David removes, throws out and replaces all the blinds in the house because, like this one, they are all getting crappy and need to go bye bye. Broke blinds brought to you courtesy of Claire.

5) This ceiling fan in our living room has decided that it likes to suck up the light cord. David gets rid of the fan and buys a new one. Preferably in a white.

6) Behind this wall in our laundry room next to our spare weather stripping for the front door lies our hot water heater. It needs replacing. Why? Well, a shower lasts about 10 minutes if you prefer warm water. It makes popping noises after that. David would replace the hot water heater, and I would enjoy a warm shower again.

7) David would remove this cabinet and install a dishwasher. I am tired of washing dishes by hand. It wastes water. I'd rather load dishes into the dishwasher all day, several times a day and give it a run at the end of dinner then was several sink fulls of dishes several times a day and waste all that water. I NEED A DISHWASHER!

8) I want to sand down, paint and replace the hardware on the kitchen cabinets. They need it. I keep trying to convince David it will give our kitchen a fresh and cheap update. He isn't convinced. I'm half tempted to do it while he's at work.

9) David would patch up this hole in the bathroom wall in the kid's bathroom. It's been gaping at me ever since we moved in. I hate it. I would love for it to go away.

10) David would finish listing this crap on his freaking Goozex site and get it OUT OF THE HOUSE! It's driving me crazy just hanging around. I wish he'd just start trading it already. Someone's bound to want this crap, and that someone ain't me!