It's 11:36PM Here In Wisconsin And I Can't Sleep!

I've got me a good little bit of insomnia. Grayson should be up in about a half hour to nurse and go back down, so here I sit on pins and needles. Oooo..Exciting. Wanna hear a story? Of course you do. In all honesty, I really don't know what made me think of this. I was just thinking of it today, and decided to tell it.

I was raised by my grandma. If you've read before, you know what grandma I'm talking about. If not, well, please let me explain.

My grandma is in her 60's. She has gray hair. She is gay. She loves basketball. More than basketball, life itself and her sanity, she loves Shaquille O' Neal. Am I joking? No. Seriously? Yes, seriously, she loves the man. Want to know about her dedication to this man?

When I was 15, Taco Bell started promoting this double decker taco. It was some spicy cheese crap on a soft taco wrapped around a crunchy taco. I admit, I ate a couple of them. They weren't great, but they weren't bad either. Why did I keep eating them if I wasn't a huge fan? You'll see.

A few weeks after they started promoting this taco, Shaq started showing up on TV eating the taco. My grandma went bonkers. We started hitting Taco Bell drive thrus like it was the only thing to survive a nuclear war. She would grill the poor window workers about Shaq items while cars waiting behind us for 5-10 minutes, me slumped as low as I could get in the passenger seat hiding my face. About a week later, life size Shaq posters and cardboard cutouts showed up in Taco Bell windows. Grandma LOST HER FREAKING MIND!

This is where it gets fun. You see, about a month after that happened, Taco Bell started to end their Shaq sized promotion. My grandma knew there MUST be a Shaq cutout and poster somewhere and we were on a mission to find it. We drove to different Taco Bell's ever night looking in..(wait for it)..DUMPSTERS trying to find my crazy, Shaq loving grandma her life size Shaq memorabilia. After 2 weeks of searching, BAM, we found a poster. I've never seen my grandma move faster than she did that night. There was screaming, dumpster diving and more screaming.

Two years later, when Shaq was playing for the Lakers, my grandma took that poster with her to the game. My grandma shows up early for games in the hopes of catching the players attention for autographs. Seriously, not joking. She would drag me to games at least 3 hours early so she could wander around court side and "accidentally" bump into a player, strike up a conversation and get their autograph. She waved it around like a mad woman and a bunch of Shaq's team mates were laughing at him...And probably my grandma. When the games are over, my grandma will walk as fast as she can to the exit that the players take after the game. She waved her poster around and screamed some more. She didn't get an autograph. I hope someday she does though. She is dedicated to this man. When he moves teams, she moves right along with him. She worships him. He is a basketball god.

Stay tuned and I'll tell you about the time Shaq Lovin' Grandma almost made my boyfriend pee himself.